Your baby is currently “previable” and you’re hoping so much to make it to “periviable.” So we spent a long time going over survival and lung development and what we can and can’t do in the NICU. We agreed with you that there is always hope and that we are all in God’s hands. We reassured you that we are here for you and your baby no matter what happens. And yet I wake in the wee hours wondering whether we said enough about the perils of periviability.
The limits of lung development are such a daunting subject that we hardly touched on the implications of the many other developmental limits: skin, brain, eyes, gut, kidneys, immune system. And what is really wrenching my own gut this morning is the reality of suffering - not only the endless painful procedures but the separation from the comfort of being contained, warmed, hidden and protected. I don’t know whether I should tell you how much our team suffers with periviable premies and their parents. I doubt whether it’s even possible to tell parents ahead of time how traumatic the NICU experience is - let alone whether I should.
We move to abstractions too easily — all of us. “Periviability” is a vague term, meaning “around” the time when a baby might be able to survive outside mom. But that survival is contingent upon full-court-press critical care — and what does survival really mean? for how long? and in what condition?
Life is obviously more than a heartbeat; suffering is psychological as well as physical; and babies, no matter where they are in their developmental process, are people: complex and individual human beings.
Yes, we are with you. We are hoping. But we are also grieving.