After rounds today some of us were talking about “difficult families” - the kind who question our medical decisions, who “split” members of the team trying to find the specific answer they want, who demand to take their baby home against medical advice or, conversely, argue for continuing interventions we consider futile.

Someone observed that it’s easy to be idealistic about how we’ll deal with situations like this in the abstract. When we’re not directly responsible, we can say we would never let a family dictate our care: we would listen to their concerns, build a trusting relationship, and all would be well.

In real life … it’s hard. It’s hard to build relationships with people who are afraid to trust us, who carry past hurts and biases and information from the Internet into “our “ unit. It’s hard to listen to seemingly endless confrontation and questions and challenges — and it’s also hard to coax communication from parents who “vanish” or at least avoid us when their babies aren’t doing well.

One thing I’m learning is that reality isn’t easy but ideals can be maintained. (Plato said we’re in a cave with shadows anyway, right?)

I think I need to be careful to choose the right ideals. We aren’t going to fix the brokenness, but we can support and encourage each other through it.

Lord, keep my mind fixed on Your perfection, love and grace. Amen.