I’m tired of attending. Listening is getting harder; quick judgy judgments and baseless pontificating are coming easier. My limitations seem painfully obvious, things must be slipping through the cracks, how can anyone trust me? …to say nothing of like me! -my poor family is neglected. I come home and fixate on how tired I am, how messy the house is, how behind I am on chores and tasks. I’m sleep deprived and self-focused.
I push myself out for a walk as the sun is setting and chase the sunset clouds around the neighborhood hoping to find an unobstructed view — but too late. I’m left stalking melancholy in the dusk, thinking about change and decay, irked by yards decorated for Halloween with skeletons and skulls. Better to see a real live bat fly overhead!
On returning home I make hot tea and take the chicken potpie out of the oven to await the Bear’s return from swim practice. I get a political news update from the Scientist on the living room couch and head upstairs with my tea, ostensibly to check on the laundry but mostly to unload here.
I upload the one shot I managed to keep from my walk.
The light and the clouds, the sky, the water and the trees.
There is beauty.
There is grace.
Thank You for your faithfulness.
I will hang on by a thread and keep trusting that You hold the other end.